One year ago today, on
December 21, 2011, I did something I said I would never do, I agreed to an
amniocentesis. It was also on that day that I made the drastic realization that
I would never again make another grand sweeping statement such as “I will never
have an amnio” (although that itself is a pretty grand sweeping statement). How
did I go from declaring I would never agree to an amniocentesis to confidently
walking into the hospital on December 21st for the scariest test of
my life? Well, for that we have to go back a few years...
As you have probably noticed
from past posts I enjoy analyzing how our life stories come to be. How one seemingly
insignificant detail can shape the rest of your life. It’s what I call the
Sliding Doors effect
For those of you who have not heard of the 1998
slightly boring Gwyneth Paltrow movie, Sliding
Doors, here’s the main plot: the movie follows her life in two story lines
– one story where she makes her train and the other where the doors slide close
right in front of her therefore missing the train and changing her whole life’s
outcome.
While the movie was subpar
the concept was fascinating and I am forever finding Sliding Doors moments in
my life and marveling in how a split second can change my life.
I met my best friend, future
Matron of Honor and future Godmother to Connor, Lauren at a bus stop when we
were 12 years old. Our friendship came easily as we quickly discovered we were
the exact same person with the same likes and dislikes . . . especially in the
very important tween area of celebrity crushes.
It was through Lauren I met
the person who would ultimately help Nate and I make the toughest decision of
our lives.
Erin was one of Lauren’s
oldest friends from growing up. Erin did not live near us so I only heard stories
about Erin until we finally met in person years later when she hosted (along
with her wonderful mother) a fabulous bridal shower for Lauren. It was then I
was able to see all the brilliant things Lauren was talking about. Over time,
Erin and I continued to see each other at Lauren’s family events and with Facebook
we too became dear friends.
When Lauren and I were both pregnant
with our first child Erin announced she too was pregnant with child #4 and due
one month after Connor. A few
months after announcing she was pregnant Erin followed up with the email I would
later read and reread to give me strength and courage to send my own email.
Erin’s email started out simple “Nick and I received the news that we are
expecting a baby boy and that our boy has Down Syndrome.” My heart skipped a
beat. My first thought was not “I’m sorry” or “poor Erin, how sad.” Instead, my
very first thought was “wow, this little boy is incredibly blessed to be born
into such a loving, strong, amazing family.” And that is exactly what I told her.
Over the past 2 years I have
watched as Erin has created an amazing life for little Ben and all her children.
Those two years of experience were very much needed when I finally gathered the
strength to call Erin on December 16th 2011 to talk about the abnormalities
found at our 20-week appointment.
As I mentioned in my
original post, I will not go into details but I will say that phone call shaped
our future. My “I will never have an amnio” slowly started to fade as I
listened to Erin tell her full story. It was Erin’s story that helped us make
the decision to move forward with the amniocentesis.
During our conversation Erin
mentioned something that has always stayed in the back of my mind. Erin, in all
her spare time with four kids, volunteers at the hospital to talk with mothers
who have a surprise diagnosis of Down Syndrome (I told you she was amazing).
She told me a story of a
woman who had a little baby boy about 7 months after Ben was born. When she
talked with this woman at the hospital the new mom asked “do you ever wish Ben did not have Down Syndrome?”
Erin said, “if Ben did not have Down Syndrome then he
would not be Ben and you might as well give me another baby and I don’t want
another baby so NO I do not wish Ben did not have Down Syndrome.”
As she told me this story I
just started crying because I thought, “Erin
is so great, what a great heart . . .but I will never get there. If the amnio
tells us something is abnormal I will never get to the place where Erin is with
Ben.”
And yet, it seemed I under
estimated myself and little JD before I even met him. But that realization did
not come until later.
One year ago today our amnio
results came back “normal” meaning we were 99% in the clear for a genetic
anomaly.
One year ago today I was
rejoicing it was not a genetic syndrome.
One year ago today I stopped
crying believing that our family’s future would not be lost.
One year ago today my heart
was not as big as is it now. Just like the Grinch, JD has helped my heart grow
to hold more love.
One year ago today I had no
idea how my life would change over the next 12 months . . . and how that change
would be the best gift I never asked for.
So if I could go back more
than 2 decades to that day at the bus stop I would tell my 12 year-old self: Hold on tight to Lauren as a bestie your
whole life. Not only will she be there for you through some of your best and
worst times but she also holds the key to your most important Sliding Doors
moment. Then I would say: Don’t pick
the blue prom dress – seriously keep looking.
Good-night friends |